i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
