I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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