I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
