Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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