Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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