its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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