i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
