So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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