she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
