there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
