Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
