I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
