i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
