Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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