could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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