Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
