dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
