He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
