from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
