I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
