Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
