Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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