i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
