I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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