i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
