My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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