What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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