Non-Jews are for practice
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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