i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
