Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
