Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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