He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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