so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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