I bet he comes in French.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
