people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
