Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
