I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
