According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
