Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
