Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
