I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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