No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
