UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
