i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
