The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
