amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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