your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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