Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
