bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
