Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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